When i look in the mirror i really dont feel hatred or disgust...its only when i try to put on jeans just from a couple months ago and they dont fit that i feel HUGE!!

Some people always talk about how they want to lose weight but just dont have the time. Well i could find the time, and i prolly could afford to lose some weight but i just am really comfortable in my skin and say the hell with it...

when college starts back up i really want to start using the gym and work out 3 times a week. It is free, and im getting a little bigger than just pleasently plump!

so i have started the Special K challenge. I really want to lose weight but i just dont konw if it will happen. Last night around 10 i started craving cheese...not exactly healthy

wish i could finally set up a schedule for myself to start working out. I am very active between school, my 2 jobs and my FH and soon to be step son that is 3. I love my life but at the end of the day a bed looks way better than a gym!!

wedding is only a month away! i cant believe it!!! hope i can get everything paid off and then it just fun after that...

Less than two weeks away from the wedding. I am trying to triple check things and make sure I have everything done. So if that isn't enough stress, i am starting to have nightmares about the wedding!! Hope they dont turn out, cuz who wants stuff spilled on their dress, or no one at their wedding...

sometimes when my fdh does something really sweet for me, I sit there and think of how blessed I am to be marrying a man that cares so much about me. I know most people don't find love at 16, but five years later and this man can still give me butterflies!! I cant wait for Aug 6th to be here so I can officially call him mine forever!

so future fdh had his bachelor party last night. This morning he gave me the highlights of the night, and for some reason I find myself mad at him. He didnt do anything too crazy but i just cant shake the feeling of being annoyed that he needed to golook at naked women to have a good time. I know its dumb cuz he didnt do anything but I cant help but feeling upset

can't believe i'm married!!! Yesterday was the best day of my life!! If it just wouldn't of rained and i could of got some outside pictures it would of been great!

I am planning on trying to get pregnant this fall...but everyone seems to be against it. By the time I would have the baby I would only have my rotations left in pharmacy school...but people seem to think I won't finish. I reslly want a baby and have the support of dh so I guess that's all I need

everyone says that when i have my own baby i will really understand motherly love, well the people who say that piss me off!!! I will NEVER make my dss4 feel like i love him any less just because im not his "real" mom. The love I have for that little boy no one will ever understand..and im sure i will only have equal love for my future children.

i think im just gonna have to give up on the fact that we will ever win custody...it just hurts too much anymore to keep trying to win a losing battle. All i wanted was what is best for dss4 but the government refuses to give him that chance...

Wish the judge could see dss4 crying and screaming to stay with me and dh...it breaks my heart

im so heartbroken..we just found out that she won custody..i cant believe it! I dont know how the court system fails children so much, drug charges, theft charges, no home of her owns, Dss4 sleeps on an airmattress but ya lets give her custody. My heart is aching and Im not sure how i will make it without my lil man..

Just because im an intern does not mean that I am below you jerks...I am still getting paid and at least im going to school for Pharmacy rather than you losers who will be techs forever!!

work is so slow today. i hate working twelves on the weekend, guess its good we are slow though, means people aren't sick : )

I donk think this weekend could of went any slower at work. I actually wish there would be a stat open heart or code blues, or something to spice up my night. But then again I dont want anyone to die, so i guess i would rather be bored.

Work has been crazy today!! Way many people in the hospital for my taste. And i have stupid nurses calling down every 5 minutes. I know you want everything stat but we can only do so much!!

going to see a therapist recently. trying to work on my anxiety with death and my past abuse. I just want to start my marriage fresh, not letting my past effect my future.

i absolutley HATE giving blow jobs. my fdh says im amazing at them and they usually take less than five mintues but everytime i get done i cant stand to be around him cuz im so annoyed. the only reason i did it tonight was cuz his birthday was two days ago.

i love that me and dh can talk about anything. A lot of people in my family always say that I am too honest with him....but if you start lying, how do you know how to stop? Im just grateful that for now, honesty is what we stick to!

so last night dh comes out to kiss me goodnight at like 9:45, we were planning on "loving" so at 10 when i was done studying i walk back to the bedroom and catch him looking up porn on his phone to do it himself. I guess i wouldnt be SO pissed if we didnt have rules about this but we do...our rules are NEVER do it while the other person is home, and if asked aboout it dont lie. I dont know why he didnt just come out and get me to have sex...

i hate to say it but i have been second guessing our marriage. I try to not let his ex play a role in our marriage, but sometimes it is very hard to overcome. I have been working for the past 3 years to get custody of DDS4& when i ask dh to do small things that help our case like just texting his ex to show he communicates he cant do it...its so frustrating to think i care more than he does about getting our lil man