It does not matter how you put it, if you aren't the active duty military personnel then you aren't in the military. Military spouses are not in the military. I would laugh at a wife is she said because she is a doctor's wife then they are both doctors. The same falls for military spouses. If you aren't working directly for the military as a soldier, etc then you are not in the military, it is that simple. You can say all you want that you live the lifestyle, but that does not equal the job. Make your own accomplishments and full fill your dreams rather than live under the cloud of the spouse